he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
