from now on my penis is your penis
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
