so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
last night I used snow as a chaser
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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