dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
