he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize
