Tell her she can't have a vagina
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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