Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize