she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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