I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
