I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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