i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
