evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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