I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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