I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
