Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
