Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
