I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize