turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
