I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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