I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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