Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
