A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
