I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
