Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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