dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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