Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
