Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
