my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
