I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
