Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
