so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Pooping to opera.
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