Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to align my fucking chakras
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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