ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
