There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
