just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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