I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
