Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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