at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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