think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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