did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
