you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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