It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
