when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
