Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
