Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
