i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
