have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Randomize
