I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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