well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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