Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
