If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Randomize
