dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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