Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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