dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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