at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
