remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
