Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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