Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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