oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
