when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Randomize
