your room smells of hookers.
And success
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
