Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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