The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
