he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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