I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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