Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize