My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize