my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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