Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
