I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
