One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
