paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
