be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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