Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
